June 2011
37 posts
When your crush is in the room and your best friends start to tease you, making it totally obvious.
When my mum calls the home phone and ask if I'm at home.
No mum, I’m at a strip club.
Story of my life
My mom calls me, and i’m like:
My mom yells at me, and i’m like:
My mom threatens me to death, and i’m like:
My mom tells me ‘i brought food’, and i’m like:
When someone on Tumblr says something really sweet to you.
And you’re like, “Why don’t I know you in real life?!”
Reblog if at some point you've tried to see if you had super powers.
All the time.
What if.. haha!
When you've been crying in your room and somebody asks if they can come in
Ma, pabili!
Expectations:
Pa, pabili iPad.
Ma, pabili ng Macbook Pro.
Pa, pabili ng Ferrari .
Ma, punta muna ako disneyland.
Pa, sasali po ako ng fieldtrip patungong hongkong.
Ma, Pa, ALLOWANCE KO PO!
Reality:
WHY CAN'T MY LIFE BE LIKE PHINEAS AND FERB'S?
There’s 104 days of summer vacation
And school comes along just to end it
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spend it
Like maybe…
Just building a rocket:
Or fighting a mummy:
Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower:
Maybe discovering something that doesn’t exist:
Well.. not giving a monkey a shower:
But surfing tidal waves!
Creating nanobots!
And locating Frakenstein’s brain!
Finding a Dodo bird:
Or painting a continent:
Maybe driving my sister insane!
But then there’s a whole lot of stuff to do before school starts this fall:
YEAH! As you can see
There’s a whole lot of stuff to do
Before school starts this fall (Come on Perry)
So stick with us ‘cause Phineas and Ferb
Are gonna do it all
So stick with us ‘cause Phineas and Ferb are
Gonna do it all!
(Mom! Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence! )
BEST DIVORCE LETTER, EVER! →
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
——
Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.
I hope that’s not a problem.
Catching yourself singing a song you're supposed to hate,
